Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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