remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize