I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Randomize
