they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
