using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
