Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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