He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize