Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
