i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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