Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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