His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
