You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
