meet me or not, i'm out of control
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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