yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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