is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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