Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
My balls are so social today.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
