You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
