His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I want her autograph on my taint
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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