Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
