True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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