just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
