so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
