So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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