all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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