I accidentally had phone sex last night
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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