i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
