flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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