just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
