Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
