You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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