So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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