For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
