who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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