Having a random hookup so left but love u
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
