meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
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