dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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