someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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