So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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