you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
