the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
