dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
