yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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