somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
