Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Randomize
