On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
