and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
