he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
