what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
