She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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