Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
