her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
