some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
