I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
