Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I understand Curling. That high.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
