Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
