The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
