DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
The struggles of a small town man whore
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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