Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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