i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
