I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
