Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
