Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
