It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
We are all done wearing pants today
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
