It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
