after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Randomize
