Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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