cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Randomize
