I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Pants are for mortals
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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