I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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