its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize