I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
