Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Randomize
