at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
