oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Can you bring me the toilet please
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize