i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
