so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Randomize
